Imperfect

I can describe myself as a perfectionist.  Well, I used to describe myself that way.  I have had many lessons over the years to help change that.

I came to realize I couldn't do all things perfectly.  As life became fuller and richer, it was also harder to manage "perfectly."  I had to learn to add words like "balance" and "good enough."  While excellence is still a goal, I now consider more than just the specific task at hand.  I also weigh what needs to be excellent and what doesn't have to be.

I am continuing to learn to let go of perfectionism, or maybe it is insecurity.  Either way, I realize my job as a tutor is to ask students to be imperfect in front of me on a daily basis.  As struggling readers, they often make mistakes. That can be tough, especially if you are a perfectionist.

I have avoided things that would be too hard for me. I have also tried new things despite them being too hard.  I have had a lot of fun and found new skills and interests becasue I haven't worried about being perfect.

When I had an idea for a story for beginning readers using the Barton Reading & Spelling System, I got excited to write a book. Then I told myself, I can't write that story. It won't be good enough. I don't know enough to be an author. This is too technical. It will be too much work. But my words to a student to try and not worry about failing because we learn from failures came back to me. This student looked me in the eyes and asked me why not try the hard thing. What was the worst that could happen?

I realized I have learned a lot, and I do have a story to share. I can write this book, and it is ok if it fails. It is ok if it isn't perfect. I can enjoy the process and learn from it. And what if someone is encouraged by it? What if it helps me or others grow? What if I do what I am asking my students to do?
I will pursue this dream, and I'll learn from the journey.


The Black Silk Path has entered the final stages of testing.  I'll soon know what I need to perfect and what to I need to just let go. Then it will be time to upload to the publisher. Keep up with publication news by subscribing.


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